There are no good babies

Seriously, if you think about it there aren’t. Because if there were ‘good babies’ that would mean that the contrary also exists. And there is absolutely no way that ‘bad babies’ exist, therefore there is no such thing as a ‘good baby’.

So why have we adopted this language? The most frequent question I get asked as a new mum is ‘is he a good baby?’ Followed closely by ‘is he sleeping through the night yet?’ Both are equally frustrating and after a sleepless night, zero personal time and a baby that refuses to let go of your spit up stained shirt, it. absolutely. makes. my. blood. boil.

So please stop. Please change your language. Let’s start with ‘how are you?’ Because literally no one asks you, it’s all about the baby.

Let me explain.

When you ask ‘is he a good baby?’ How do I answer that? A good baby by whose standards? How many boxes do I have to check for him to qualify to be said ‘good baby’ and again after all the opinions & judgements it’s just one more thing that as a new mum I don’t measure up to.

When you ask ‘is he sleeping through the night yet?’ The answer isn’t a simple yes or no. My long answer would be, well studies say that 6 consecutive hours qualifies as ‘sleeping through the night’ and he does that sometimes. I’ve never had a 12 hour stretch though, he still wakes to feed twice a night. I mean I got him down to 1 but then we went on 3 back to back trips so that screwed that up. But do you mean sleeping soundly until it’s time to feed? And then straight back to sleep when he’s done? Well then that’s a yes, I mean most nights that’s what happens. But last night wasn’t fun. So... you see where I’m going with this?

So please stop. Please change your language. Don’t ask me any yes or no questions, or any closed questions for that matter. Open ended questions only. How are you? How are you doing? How are you feeling? How is the baby doing? What stage is he up to? What has he just learned? What’s his favorite thing to do? What’s his favorite thing to play with?

Actually let me make an amendment to that statement, the only closed questions you should ask a new mum should start with... Can I... Can I help? Can I do some laundry? Can I make you dinner? Can I clean your bathroom? Can I vacuum your floors? Can I make you a cup of coffee? All of which the answer is YES, YES YOU CAN! And you should. And if you know me well enough, better to make it a statement so I don’t have the opportunity to feel bad for wanting to say yes & actually say no instead.

That is all. End rant.